The Lighter side

Accountants with a sense of humour .............. that'll be the Day ooh!

Below are a collection of Accountancy jokes. If you have any of your own, and they are not too rude please feel free to contribute these to jokes@easterbrooks.co.uk and we will include them for all to see.

Two accountancy students were walking across campus when one said "Where did you get such a great bike ?" The second accountant replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful women rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off her clothes and said "Take what you want"
The second accountant nodded approvingly. "Good choice" he said. "The clothes wouldn’t have fitted"

An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with a wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion. The accountant said "I like both"
"Both ?" they asked. The accountant replied "Yeah", if you have a wife and a mistress, they each think you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go into the office and get some work done.

"the art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of feathers with the smallest possible amount of hissing"
Jean-Baptiste Colbert
Financial Controller for Louis XIV

"Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf"
Will Rogers - American Actor and Humourist - 1924

An accountant was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said "If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog then said "If you kiss me and turn me into a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for one week" The accountant took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke again "I’ll stay and do anything you want". Again he took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked "What is the matter ? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me ?" The accountant replied "Look, I’m an accountant. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool"

What is that what an Accountant can do that a duck can't ?

Stick his bill up his .......

What do Accountants use for birth control ?

Their personalities.

Receivers are accountants with attitude; and as the entire world knows - accountants wear starched collars and shiny suits; they are myopic and fussy, and need a dentist. Before they start work they produce a vast stock of pens and pencils, in several colours, which they line up with mathematical precision. They have nervous tics, high-pitched voices, common accents and baldheads.